Celebration of life

Hello life,

I don’t remember if I was glad when I met you.

You are a celebration they say. Despite letdowns, I’m supposed to be happy for the very reason that I’m alive.

Guess what?

I am!

Every time I smile, there is one reason waiting out there to wipe it off my face.

I’m happy for you.

She was the love of my life, we held hands, we promised each other togetherness.
We broke up.

Yet, I am happy for you.

I can’t get a damned thing right. In fact, everything that seems correct to me is always mercilessly proven wrong.

Still, I am happy for you.

I scream out “Why?” and hear silence.

I’m happy for you.

Even when I fight with my brother for a silly thing like the TV’s remote, I get to watch what he watches.

Really happy!

Life, I am happy for you despite you.

Thanks life.

Love,
Me :)

Why me, god?

Dear Tia,

Have you ever been to Galapagos Islands? No? That’s okay. But if you do go there, please do me a favor – See if you can find me there. Because I feel incredibly lost!

I sense something really stopped happening (sometimes I even wonder if that something is me!). It’s darn boring. HELP!

You know what? Being lost is kind of weird and I still don’t realize why! I tried everything from vigorously shaking my head to pretending like I am not lost to help myself back.

Look! I am even trying to write it all away. And guess what? It doesn’t seem to be working, either. I should probably Google 'me' to find me again.

Anyways, take care.

The Orange Sky...

Dear Tia,

I'd like to dedicate the following lines to you. This is the first time I gathered a few lines which I can refer to as a poem...Tia....The Orange sky…

Sitting on the edge of the cliff I watched,
As the sun bade goodbye to the day,
Drowning in the horizon it smiled,
At the dusk drenched in it’s every single ray.

I sat there under the shadow of the orange sky...

The evening reminded me of the bygone day,
Would there be a better way to bid adieu
Than gifting a sky that is orange and gay?
And telling that soon I would be seeing you.

I thought…as I sat there under the shadow of the orange sky...

With sweet dismay the wind swayed my hair,
Assured me she’ll be back the next day,
To shower back all the love and care,
I wanted to say good bye but hey!

I still sat there under the shadow of the orange sky!

***
hope you liked it...
take care!

19...

Those were days when flavors of emotions floated around and never settled. Those were days when ‘yes’ was a ‘no’ and ‘no’ was a ‘yes’ yet every time they meant – ‘I don’t know!’ Unreasoned hatred, inexplicable jubilance and senseless soliloquizing - everything summed up to one plain, normal day. Days that I cherished, days that I am living, days I’d like to relive over and over again!

Dear Tia,

Teenage was the most luminous of years I’ve had!

I don’t say 19 is the bad guy (or should I say ‘gal?’) of all the numbers out there. I just don’t want to end my teenage, that’s it! What can I ever do? I’m 19 and it’s very unfortunate that you don’t have a ‘twenteen’!

But I also think 19 is that special number which celebrates my teen years that’s simply because…I don’t know why. I just think it is so, just my perception about the 19th year. (I know this is senseless but I usually am like this!)

I guess, the minutes to midnight of the 10th of May this time would be pretty tough to spend!

Take care!

YOC saturdays...

Dear Tia,

Saturday, last week, was a different day altogether. You know why? That’s because it was actually the first time that I acted upon a decision I had taken earlier. This might seem to be a very small thing when…uh…you just read the line off, vaguely. But the encounter was something else, really. You should only be me to know how celebrated it!

My first date with YOC’s turned out to be a blind date. There was a power cut 5 minutes after the session began. Later, it came up to a candle-light rendezvous and lights on, finally! We even had a background score to cheer things up!

YOC’s was fun, I mean, how often does one gets to hear the review of ‘review of a book?’ or how often is it that we are asked to speak and a bunch of strangers lend their ears, sincerely until you are done with your talk?

There are two sessions called minor and a major (interrupted by a brief break…the best part! Lols!!) The former is a 7 to 8 min long book review, where in, your talk is evaluated afterward. Major is the part where everyone gets to speak even the non-members. Ask me and I’ll rate it as the most anticipated part!

In the majors, a topic, ‘define terror,’ was thrown at us. Though I thought I messed up my talk beyond repairs, I was told I could grow up with YOC’s to be a real good orator!
I couldn’t help smiling.

It’s fun on Saturday evenings!

Take care!

the new you!

Dear blog,

Firstly, sorry I did not address you all these days. I don’t know why I didn’t. I suppose, I did not realize I was telling you everything that I was thinking, doing, thinking of doing and all the other “-ing’s”. So, why am I addressing you now? Again, I don’t know - sorry again!

So, I am thinking of giving you a name today. I think I’ll call you...............Tia. (Tatada-taada-tatada-taada-tatada-taaa!!!) If you do not like it, just do not accept this write-up!

Now that I do know you do not hate it! (Muhuhahahha!) Let me tell you why I named you Tia. I was thinking of naming you Tian but later I thought you could be my virtual girlfriend by being Tia. Girlfriend, because I would like to share my mind with you and virtual, because let’s say…that’s because…uh… because I can’t…uh…erm…well… hold you. (Phew!)

Let me also give you your birthday date on this first rendezvous of ours. It’s not today or this year because I’d never want my girlfriend to be 19 years younger than me! So, Tia, your birthday would be on 11th of May and the year is 1989. I relate myself to everyone (or everything) born on that day and in that year.

Tia, I have something to tell you…I’d not want you to be too girly cos I really don’t like it. When I am penning down my mind into yours, I’d want you to be very much like me and I will, in return, promise you that I would never be very possessive or one of those bug-your-girlfriend types! That will do for the pledge-session I guess!
So, alright then! Let’s kick in and kick in hard babe!

sugar, spice and everything nice...

No, these are not those ingredients Professor Utonium throws in to make the perfect lil’ girls and if you think this is some chef’s top secret recipe to cook the ultimate dish which even the food-o-phobic people (I don’t care what they are called) can’t resist, you are wrong again.

Did you ever know that suffixes can make things really worse? No? Ask me, people. I almost slipped into a depression because of suffixes (No, I just made that up!).Let’s start off with a simple example- the word ‘suffer’. ‘Suffer’ may just mean ‘torment’ or ‘anguish’ (or whatever, depending on how rich your vocabulary is or how sadistic your thoughts are!). But this ‘-ing’ thing, when added as a suffix, changes the meaning (or rather, aggravates it). Yes, ‘suffering’ seems to be the continuation of the horror. I mean, ‘I burnt my hand’ is normal (at least compared to the next phrase). ‘I am burning my hand’ is what the fanatic part of it is!

Coming closer to the point now (It’s like I can almost read your thoughts), it might seem really nuts but I have been trying to write a song (oh common now, it’s not a crime for me to write a song) and it turned out to be more of crumbled papers than good lyrics. I have been trying everything (you know - sugar, spice n’ everything nice) and nothing seems to be working out! Then, what was all the mess about the ‘suffix’ thing up there? Now we are in the eye of the storm. Writing, I’ve found, has been way too easier for me than ‘writing a song’. I mean, ‘to write’ just something seems to be better than ‘to write a song’, didn’t you find the culprit?? (Wait! don’t roll your eyes just yet, I still haven’t hit the core!) If you thought‘-a song’ suffixed the phrase (brushing aside the rules of suffixes, for the time being) and that’s why things went wrong for me. NO! That’s not it! The suffix didn’t make spice out of sugar or the other way round. The suffix just put this voice in my head, the voice that told me- you can’t. This voice that was born at the very instant my eyes ran over the second part of the phrase. It deprived me of that ability in me that wasn’t even unwrapped yet! As I listened to it more, it seemed more and more right. I tried to undo this voice in my head, I thought of negating it by saying to myself "I can’t - can’t do it." It just wouldn’t listen and wouldn’t let go! It is like; it had already diffused into my thoughts no matter how immiscible I tried to make them. I guess, I am still listening to the silence that voice had created in my head. I know this would happen to every one of you out there at some juncture (even if you are not attempting to write a song) and would render you defenseless. Then, your only hope would be to…to give up (my friend gaf me this idea. After I really gave it some thought...it seemed ryt to me!) …I may sound crazy but that’s the best thing you can do. When you do so, you would also abandon the voice with it. It’s like turning off a television while watching a horror movie. Then, start all over again, only this time, you are upgraded and enhanced to fight back against what you know would happen to you! I know this seems to be a crazy write-up but let me tell you what- Hitler managed to give the whole world some real creeps with his Charlie Chaplin like mustache! Don't you see?? Crazy things always work out on this planet!

the hate mail...

Dear people,

Today as I am writing my emotions down, I feel like burning this rotten, f’d up world alive. Don’t tell me I am being a whiner. You dare not. All I try to do is try to be good to this insane planet. I am not trying to bring about a social transformation. I am very simple teenager like you all but the difference between you and me is that you are living your time and I am coping with it. No, I do not have cancer and no, I am not an amputee and hell no! I am not a retard. You seem to have driven me nuts! I’ve just been pushed too far by the circumstances and you know what’s worse – I am incapable of doing anything but write about it. I am not what I am or what I want to be. The world tries to take the fullest advantage of a vulnerable. I hide away everything I feel by laughing it off. People mistake me for being utterly ‘attitude ridden’. Let me tell you what people – GO FK YOURSELVES! ‘Mr. nice guys’ seem bore this world of so called ‘cool’ chaps. I may seem to stand hard up against all that you can say to me but within I crumble at your every word. If at all I ever were given a chance to choose a present for this world I’ll choose a big fat middle finger wrapped in a shiny gift wrapper.

Yours lovingly,
One of you

lost

Even this time, when I met her, I was still deeply, madly and hopelessly in love with her. She was painfully beautiful for my eyes. Until I had been far away, I desperately wanted to be with her. Now that I was with her, I wanted to go far off. It was the unfortunate inevitability that I would lose her very soon that was doing this to me. She taunted me unknowingly and I suffered quietly. When she would laugh the world around became invisible and she would become the world to my eyes. Her speech was like a mild poison that slowly ascended my veins. I'd say - If the sound of wind chimes ever were a girl, it would have been her. A few days back I didn’t really believe in the four lettered crap called ‘love’ at all. But now, all those romantic renditions, poems and songs seem to make sense to me. This time we went on a walk together and nothing had mattered to me until she was talking. I just didn’t listen to what she said. I was just staring at her so lost that it was not until she asked me - “what are you thinking of? You don’t seem to be listening to Me.” that I got back to my senses. She always threw me into that thin line which separated confusion and comprehension. It was around her that vibes of various emotions hit me with full force. When I was so lost in her that reality slashed me hard – she did not belong to me. Why does reality always have to be so cruel? Why are all the formulations in the society against one’s wishes? She was the princess to me - a princess of an intertwined emotion which was a lethal mixture of love and agony. She always seemed to me as the most delicate thing in this universe and I always wanted to protect this slender being. But my love was only like a shadow which followed her unnoticed and would soon perish unnoticed. On the day when she would be give herself away to someone else, I would run away far off from her and would never let her know that I possessed her in my dreams and she would never know string of love I possessed for her went unconnected from her end. I definitely know I can cope up without her but the blank in me would not be filled ever…

Bangalore...erm..pardon me....Bangaluru...

This vacation I’d been to Bangalore. Guess what! It was explosive! The city was just thrown at me when I least expected it. Bangalore’s persona radiated wavelengths of a ‘mega polis in making’. The city was like a point of focus where different urban cultures converged. It was a world of people, a mosaic of humanity, rather. The potential of this budding city seems to lie with its population, particularly, the younger part of it. But somewhere tucked away in the shadows of this metropolis I felt the vibes of that part of the city which was like a beautiful girl in distress and her crying eyes were bringing down the mascara with it. This was the heart of darkness of the city where slum is the kingdom and beggars were the rulers. This was the unfortunate diversity that belonged to Bangalore. But if you are amidst the high tide, this city is really hip n’ happening

The naked mountain

I feel a sense of guilt to tell you that I was born majestic. Yes, it is the remorse of the invincible when he is brought down to his knees.

There was once a time when I raised to the top of the world, Stood my ground firm against all odds. I ruled the world adorned with the crown of snow cap symbolizing my supremacy. Naked of any fear as I was, they called me ‘the naked mountain’.
The chilly snow storms that banged my back were not more than a mere puff of air. The mighty oceans froze at my foot. My family grew leaps and bounds over my widely stretched arms.

My magnificence grew over centuries until one day when I felt a crawling on my chest.
I saw moving dots. Then came some more dots following and more and more…
They were the creatures that were trekking to ‘conquer’ me. I pitied their courage. A few days passed and the creatures were on my peak. They poked a flag over my head and declared I was conquered. Me? Conquered? These people must be nuts! Or were they?

Days passed as I dozed off in the coziness of the cold. When I woke up, I saw a faint grey fog passing me by. I traced the trail back to the long chimney of an establishment under me. It was them, those who claimed I was conquered. They were back and were in huge numbers now. They set up this so called ‘factories’ to exploit the resources under me for their survival. Well, a little generosity from me wouldn’t hurt. After all, what harm could those puny creatures bring to me? I allowed them to drill through me to get oil from my depths. With every passing day, the smoke from the factories thickened and I felt my inners being drained out. It started getting warmer day by day. Was warmth really a hurdle for a mighty like me to reckon with? I surely didn’t think so then, as I didn’t comprehend what awaited me.

It was not long before a huge settlement of various power plants sprouted up everywhere around me. My once snow white bottom turned into the colony of humans. As their intrusion progressed, the temperature shot up steadily. They then built paths under me for their vehicles to tread over. The emissions from their vehicles further aggravated the rising heat. Then, my snow clad peak started wearing off as it trickled down in the form of streams. My thick snow cover was reduced to a skimpy smear over me. The smoke grew darker and grimmer with every passing day. The toxins and heat they unleashed drained my cover into a flowing stream of chemicals that further wore me down. These poisoned waters drained into my rivers, their rivulets and finally into the sea, thus, contaminating nature. The outrageous heat melted me down completely. The hot gases never ceased heating up. When I was exhausted possibly of every available resource, I was rendered alone. My peak was no more and all exuberance was thawed out. The whole world seemed to have been scorched. I looked around only to find my snow kingdom mercilessly taken down by the ‘warming’ demon. Yes, they did conquer me and I still am the ‘naked mountain’, only this time, naked everything that I thought was mine.

I like...

I like to go on a long drive, alone, under a golden yellow sky, on a road that is endlessly dusty and while I drive I’d like ‘numb’ playing softly in my car.
I like to watch the rosy face of a beautiful girl, dressed in black, sitting alone on a bench gazing emptily into the space on a snowy evening.
I like to watch the extravagance of the dizzy city lights while I go out to shop on a busy evening.
I like to hide away my tears and tell to the world that I am happy always.
I like it when my girl gives me a warm hug for nothing and whisper into my ears, “I…”
I like to hold a distressed in my arms and would like to console that person in a reassuring sense by whispering - “don’t you worry…I’ll take it from here.” Then I would like to watch the gratitude in their eyes.
I like to watch a beautiful fingers scribbling notes or playing guitar.
I like to have green eyes.
I like to sit alone on a cozy sofa with a hot cup of coffee in the balcony of a high rise building and watch the dark clouds pour down on the city mercilessly.
I like to watch my girl fall asleep.
I like to put my index finger on the sleeping baby’s palm and would love to see its fingers wrap gently around my finger.
I like the surge I feel when I hear an inspiring narration.
I like know that I have a secret admirer.
I like the pain that sorrow brings and the mercy that it showers.
I like to curl up in the warmth of my comforter during a quiet cold night.
I like the feel I get when first gulps of water soak my tongue to quench an intense thirst.
I like to be Tom Cruise.
I like it when my hair sways over my forehead while I sit staring out of the window of a bus.
I like to sit on a wall and quietly watch the hustle-bustle of a busy city.
I like to lie flat on a green meadow and look at the blue sky.
I like it when she leans over my shoulder.
I like to talk about my thoughts.
I like to be god for a day.
I like…

A layman's view

Right from the very beginning, man was curious and inquisitive way beyond saturation point. In fact our civilization had flourished by just asking “why?”. So, could there be race any superior to ours? No? Why? I mean, why not?

Man had been intrigued by what happened to him within his noticeable domains…sensible right? So, he went about in search of the answers as to why they happened and then he found that the answers were really senseless. Leading to another question and then yet another. While we were busy knowing how the birds fly, we failed to ask why the birds fly…to move? Why should anything move? How did, in the first place, movement come into existence and what is existence? This is when I feel a hint of a superior civilization to ours, that, which created the small domain that we call ‘the universe’.
We invented everything from a ball pin to an international space station, from hardware to software and wars to natural calamities! What ability was it, which helped us perform these elephantine tasks? May be we were made to do all these…may be all this is what we call in human as an ‘experiment’. May be we are all controlled…

Everything is said to have formed from big bang. How did big bang occur? May be it was the start of this experiment on us or on what we call our ‘world’, rather.

Then why don’t we know that we are being controlled? Well let me ask you something-does a computer program actually ‘know’ that it is being controlled by the computer? Does the computer really know that it is being controlled by the chip within? Does a computer chip know it is being controlled by various elements? It is something similar to all these. Everything around us happens as it happens because it is probably ‘run’ that way. Have you ever wondered why a body has to move in the direction of force applied on it and not against it? Why does force even exist? Why does energy exist? Why are all these elements of nature immortal unlike us? If we try to talk in a programmer’s language, may be force energy and matter were like library functions in a language called ‘universe’ that were used to create programs which govern how things are supposed to happen.

I say, we are still trying to know the codes of these programs ignoring what lies beneath…what made these codes…another dimension we fail to think in, a dimension were rationality fails to exist, where our universe is simulated on a ‘computer’ and when the power supply is cut, we simply do not exist!

life - a mishap?

19 April 2008
10: 20 p.m.


I’ve heard many people around me reverberate the saying - never take a step back when you have started your journey. Well, what if the road ahead is blocked? What if we stand defenseless against the infinite might of the wind of circumstances that is pushing you behind? What if we tried, tried and tried again and failed every time? What if our own efforts mock at us? There seem to be millions of these unanswered questions lingering above me.
I’ve been this way all through my life. I tend to learn from my mistakes. But there has always been a hint of ignorance in the knowledge I acquired from my mistakes. This lead to more mistakes and the chain continued. Hence, these series of mistakes I made erased my perfection.
It is not easy being me. I am a world within myself. Losing interest is a common trait in existence but losing faith in existence itself is a failure of your complete self. This is what happens to me often and every time I fall I try to gather myself up ignoring the mockery my mind subjects me to, but I tend to crumble further, subsiding like a dry sand hill.
The oneness is fading away in the world we have built. We are not allowed to retaliate when we cannot take it anymore in what seems to be a hybrid world, which is an amalgam of vindictive qualities. All these knit to my life, the deadly inability, for which I am blamed in turn. There is no place left in my life for myself as hollowness has filled it entirely. There is a battle raging within myself, with myself, in order to sustain myself. A rugged feature of mine called the ‘persistence’ is the only shimmer of hope for me to protect my existence and stand my ground while I safeguard my very identity.

me...

It was the time when the west was engulfed by the chill of the cold war and the west and East Germany were thinking of reunification that, in the other part of the world, a baby was born. Yes, that’s me!
Well, I know that was a good start for the days ahead. You see, I have been displaying this inevitable characteristic of being unmindful of the happenings around me right from birth. (omg! Think of an infant with ‘I don’t care’ attitude!!) . My mom told me that she didn’t hear me cry for about 10 seconds when I was born. I was sleeping that’s why she says I was too lazy to even cry! (Well, nothing changed much!!). I was told that the nurse explained to my sightless granny about how cute I was! Well, it seems to me that I impressed the nurse a lot more than I impressed my gran!
As a child I was not very troublesome…well…not always! But at the age of two, when I decided to explore the world a little, my parents really started to think about me seriously. I used to crawl my way into one of the houses in the neighborhood only to get to a parked bicycle and find pleasure in swiveling its pedals (three cheers for the budding engineer!!!). Unlike many babies I didn’t cry much…may be I had better things to do...like…mess with my sleeping baby brother! I was told that I used to run to my brother’s cradle and slap kiran while he was sleeping and then my mom locked me in a separate room as a punishment!

Growing up, my explorations ceased but I started something new - I started to observe this new world of mine and started to think “why?”. Often my questions were answered with wage substantiations and rest remained questions. Then, the first best thing that happened to me was school! D.A.V. was where I flourished, where I lived my dreams and where…I made friends! I befriended everyone and anyone. Hi’s, hellos and bye-byes were what brought us together. Guess what! In school, I never regretted making friends without knowing anything about the person (…and now?...don’t even ask!). Kindergarten was like a big world for me to deal with. A lot of things were stuffed in that name. A lot that I learnt and lot more that I still cherish. Ajay was my first best friend, Shubha ma’am was my first class teacher and pramod was the first weirdo I met! Every first move I made lead to a better next. This is how I grew up, learning from my little mistakes, making more mistakes and learning from them too. Some of the people like rohit, shreya joshi and taarika were kind of…like passing clouds (but they surely rained a lot on me!).

I was told and taught that I was not supposed to lie for what ever reason no matter what…well…guys there is something that I have been holding behind all these days. When I was a kid I used to watch a lot of TV and the letters on the black board started to look blurred…in the beginning I didn’t care much but later…this got worse really worse and my place started shifting forward, closer to the black board. The situation got really worse in class six (I mean to say dreadful!). I thought of doing something about this. In DAV, regular medical check-ups were organized for students. My parents knew about this. So, one fine day I got home and told my dad that we had our regular check up done in the school that day and the doc asked me to get my eyes checked up. You know what? I lied!! I don’t know why I didn’t tell the truth…but this lie I told was going to change the way I looked for the rest of my life! I was spectacled…my spectacles were just like some inevitable organ that I was to ‘wear’ here on.

Moving on…when I turned thirteen I was not quite a teen, but I can say I surely sensed the flavors around!! Questions, curiosity and the odd emptiness became apparent at fifteen. (Let’s not intrude this matter deeper...lols!) Now the obvious question – Who was my first crush? (Hey remember? Curiosity killed the cat! If are really reading this…then, I am sure you are not a cat (at least not a literate one!) and so you are safe!) Here is the answer- I don’t remember! Oh ya! By the way, talking of remembrance, I am really pathetic at remembering names, things that I did or things I am supposed to do (a really normal teenager you can see!). Class 10 was a really big experience package to me. They were the sweetest last days in DAV. I miss my school so much that I wish I got all those days back…it was like my second home. It harbored every thing…it is like I had left some part of me in my school…then came the two very dark years of my life…junior college…

I hope I had never joined that college (corporate brutes!!). Somehow I held myself together and pulled myself out of the clutches of the two horrendous years!! I don’t even consider the two years a part of my life now…I was put through so much that everything seemed like it was closing in on me…I’m glad that is all over.

Then came the ‘CVR’ part of my life…so far so good…at least things are going my way again! I’m me again (good heavens!!). You know what I really liked about CVR....one, the long one hour lunch break! Two, the ‘samosa’ in our canteen…believe me! I can spend tons on that. Three, somebody I don’t want to name (that’s a little hush-hush) Four, somebody else I don’t want to name!!

That’s me alright…19 unwrapped and still going great! What you just read is just a pixel of me!! Guess what? There’s much more to be unveiled…..

freshers blast!!

October 19, 2007
Fresher’s day


Who might have ever expected that one could become a celebrity of the college after the fresher’s day? ........Well, at least, I never thought so.
The weather was gloomy when I got up in the morning. But my mood was bright.......why? Because today was our college’s fresher’s day and I was a participant of Mr. and Ms. Fresher competition (…..now I don’t expect you to fall down laughing at that!). I got all dressed up in a traditional shervani top and black jeans to go with. As usual I was the first to reach the bus stop. I knew today’s bus journey would be a little different from every day and guess what?? ………it was!! All the juniors were allowed to sit at the rear of the bus and we all played dumb charades with the seniors. The raging enthusiasm got extinguished only when one of the juniors (vikas) was called by a lecturer to be given a disciplinary lecture for the rest of the bus ride. He was usually known for his hyper activism in the bus. He could be, what is called a world class a******, in the truest sense of the word (this is not just my version; this is what the whole bus thinks!!). Truly, he is such a creep. It was high time he needed such a treatment but I knew that would only slow him down for the morning. Any way, we were in the college in no time after that. I went straight to the auditorium after I found my class locked. The auditorium had a confusing environment, with the echoing hellos from the loudspeakers as the audio system was being checked. As I was groping desperately to find any of my friends, a deep voice called me from the behind. I was quite familiar with this voice; he was Kaushik, a tall lanky personality, who happened to be our senior. He was dressed in a purple kurtha and blue jeans. I was told that this guy was the last year’s runner up in the Mr. Fresher competition (no wonder!!). He was in the same group as I was (eee), so he gave me a little ‘pro-eee boost’ and pleaded me to get the title, at least for the sake of eee, to show to the college, that we, the ‘eee’ians were not inferior to any body ( this reminded me of Hitler’s pro-German ideologies !!). Later, I met some of my friends who just arrived. We all were seated together until I was called and was made to sit with the other participants of the Mr. Fresher contest. We were informed that this was the first event that was going to be held. “Alright!” I thought to myself. My excitement was getting the better of me.t-10 minutes……t-5minutes…….t-1…..then it all began. We were called one by one. As each participant stepped on to the stage, they were greeted with a roar of cheers from their respective groups. Ah!!......this is going to be awesome…I thought. But when I was called, no one from my group even clapped! I went on to the stage with silence accompanying me. Why? What was wrong with my friends? May be they were hesitant…….may be they chose to remain on the civilized side….I convinced myself with various reasons for the unreasoned composure of my friends. Then we were asked to go back to our seats and then one by one, every one presented what seemed like a ‘well prepared’ introductions when they were called again on to the stage. Oh god! Was I supposed to be prepared for this? I had no time even to give it a thought that my turn had come. I went on to the stage and started off with a line I picked up from the net last night which went this way-“some times it is so hard to introduce yourself coz you know u r self so well that u don’t know where to start with.” This fetched me back my lost confidence when one of the members in the jury smiled at me in a way that told me that every body were impressed. I continued with an introduction which seemed a little longer than what they expected of me. After I finished, I got a good amount of audible applause from the audience…”now that’s better!” I thought…then I went back to the place where there were other participants…but I wanted to be with my friends. I wanted to ask them why they chose to be dumb….by then…it was announced that there would be another round of the contest a little while later. I went back to the place where my friends were sitting…then I almost spontaneously asked them what I intended to ask them….and the reason was that they went for buying the coupons of a game called thambola. These coupons had some numbers in them. If all the numbers of a coupon matched the numbers that were announced the owner of the coupon would win money. How pathetic!!.....how can money be any nobler than a friend??...or is it?
I went out to have some snacks and take pictures of my new college. Then I was informed that I was selected to the next round of the contest. Well...not a bad start I thought…
There were 4 participants left in this round including me. This round was where would be given a topic to speak on. I was the last to be called on the stage after a not-so-good performance by the others. I thought the topic that would be given to me will be interesting but they chose to give me a topic which was rather related to one of the political debates in the country, the controversial ramsethu project. Huh! Was it legal for me to question the relevance of their asking me to speak on this topic? Well I couldn’t ask them on stage….so I started to blabber what I thought I knew about this topic and it went longer than they expected. Hmmm….well…after all I did not just stand there staring at the crowd or grope for the words…anyways it was over. Now only the results were to be announced. I went and sat along with my friends, among a screaming, cheering and an erupting young crowd. I sat at the very last of the auditorium.
After all the performances, when I thought I had enough and when I least expected it the squeaky girl anchor voice announced,” it is the time everyone have been eagerly expecting” and her male counterpart continued, “yes…people it is time for the results of the Mr. and ms fresher events…” then the crowd roared a smile creped up on my face but I tried to suppress it. “Well…”, started the voice of the anchor as she held a piece of paper in front of her” the Ms. Fresher of the year 2007 is………shwetha from I.T.” the crowd in I.T. went crazy. As the cheers faded away gradually the other speaker peeped into the paper held by his partner and announced”…and the Mr. Fresher of the year 2007 is…..Sri Charan of EEE” I felt butterflies in my stomach as I herd this. It was really me!
And the crowd…well you could have guessed it by now! It was a long walk to the stage as I had to push aside all the chairs and walk by people who were wishing me….This is fame! Strikes you when you least expect.
As I walked towards the dice I and shwetha exchanged congrats. After I received my memento from the guest of honor, as I was coming back, i was congratulated by one of my class girls who shook hands with me while doing so…this was the first time any girl had shook hands with me as far as I could remember! As I went out, there was just another task left I had to give a rose to some girl… the rose was still in my bag…I was asked by Kaushik to give the rose to one of their classmates…a senior…well…it was fun…then it all ended as we had our lunch, boarded the buses and headed home

The day stood out as a wholesome package of an experience for me….good start for the better days to come!

crimson bliss...

You might need quite a bit of time to understand what she really is. But when you understand her completely, her character really starts to amaze you. She is a character with such diverse qualities that is really difficult to find in some body who is brought up in such a place. She is traditional and yet refuses to be tied down by the bonds of traditions and practices. This shows signs of her wanting to be liberated and yet knows her limits. She is, on the other hand, a very hard worker. She shows real sincerity in what she does. She is undeterred by the attractions and obstacles that come in her way. This might sometimes mean ignoring you too. She has a charming persona which she is completely well aware of. But what fascinates me the most in her is her attitude. I have never come across such an attitude in anybody else in my whole life (in fact, I’m just 18!!). This is what differentiates her from others. She does not copy anybody who project themselves to be ‘superior’. This is what gives her an attitude that is exactly ‘her’s’ and not anybody else’s. I don’t know where she derives her energy from, but she has a tremendous amount of it. She understands what responsibilities she has towards her family and never steps back from accomplishing them. She is also an adamant Indian girl. You would rather use an ‘adamant’ with a double‘d’. You can’t make her compromise on things very easily. You would have to gather all your patience, time and potential in doing so. Somewhere down the line I also feel she is a really sensitive kind of a person. I feel this way after taking into account her reactions after some of the worst encounters that I had with her. She, like every other Indian girl is very attached to her family (well, at least most of them are!!). She also likes things to go on in a routine manner. She doesn’t like it when things trickle down the line of normalcy. There are also things I do not like about her, one of which is her inability to keep up the promises made to any body. Man!! That’s when she really gets under my skin. On an overall scale when you turn around and look at her character it makes you say “phew!! Now that’s one heck of a girl!!”

first day of college

October 3, 2007
Day 1:

What can I ever say? It was altogether a new and a different day in my whole life. This was my first day of college. It all started as I woke up from my disturbed sleep of the previous night. I knew a very little of where this day was taking me to. I got ready and packed off to the bus stop with excitement running through my veins. My dad dropped me off at the bus stop. He waited till the bus arrived and bid me good bye. The bus had just left the stop that one of my senior sprang out of his seat and called all the freshers by making a gesture which I felt was a bit too rude to be made on the strangers. He seemed like he was waiting the whole time, anxiously for this moment to come. I was the first to respond to his call. Soon every body lined up. He first asked to introduce ourselves one by one. Again I was the first to start. Now another senior had already started asking our ‘bio datas’, as he put it. As I finished, I could see a terrified look on the face of my fellow freshers. I didn’t really know what they were really so terrified about. Later on all the seniors reserved the rear seats for themselves and asked (or rather commanded, as I could put it) us to sit in the seats in the front. Then nothing much happened in the bus except for the murmurings of the seniors behind our backs. As the bus reached our college, we were directed to our classes. In the class each lecturer went on introducing themselves and in turn asked for our introduction. I made a few friends. The recess was interrupted by the seniors as they came in to the class intentionally to rag the ‘pupil’ of our class. Their attempt failed as a lecturer intervened. We are asked to move in groups and outnumber our seniors so as to not be ragged. The classes were finally over and we all moved on to get into the busses and I very well knew that this would be the toughest part of the day which was yet to come, taking into consideration the morning’s bus journey. I was sitting in the front as my seniors had asked me to do so in the morning. But the senior, who had started the ragging session in the morning, signaled me to come and sit with him in the rear seat. I was completely aware of what he had in mind!! I slowly moved to get to the rear of the bus. Now it was one on many (I can’t remember their no., as there were too many). I was asked my bio data, may be 10 times & every time I told it to them with an utter sense of elegance or may be elegance born out of fear. Then I was asked to rate every one (u kno hu!) based on how they appear to me……this was the toughest (4 da moment). When I thought it was all over, I was called upon by one of the other seniors (g) and was asked to prop to one my fellow classmates……..oh gosh!!!......so this is it, I thought……this is how I get crucified……that girl is going to turn me in to a meat ball!! I had no other choice…. I went to her place & a thought struck my mind. How about I do it in an indirect way, I thought. Yeah!! That’s when I went her and asked,” hey are you claimed? Coz I want to claim you!!” she didn’t get me the first time so I had to ask her again, for which she asked me “r u serious??” …..now….that’s not a typical Indian girl………..whatever it may be….I was glad I was still standing. Then, I was asked to sing and do stuff to entertain the seniors. Then, it all ended when the bus reached our stop. Today I had a lot to tell to my mom.
May be, I thought, these things were too harsh to be termed as ragging. May be my seniors were very good though their looks gave a false conception of what they are. What ever it may be, I shall wait and see what is waiting for me in the days to come.