sugar, spice and everything nice...

No, these are not those ingredients Professor Utonium throws in to make the perfect lil’ girls and if you think this is some chef’s top secret recipe to cook the ultimate dish which even the food-o-phobic people (I don’t care what they are called) can’t resist, you are wrong again.

Did you ever know that suffixes can make things really worse? No? Ask me, people. I almost slipped into a depression because of suffixes (No, I just made that up!).Let’s start off with a simple example- the word ‘suffer’. ‘Suffer’ may just mean ‘torment’ or ‘anguish’ (or whatever, depending on how rich your vocabulary is or how sadistic your thoughts are!). But this ‘-ing’ thing, when added as a suffix, changes the meaning (or rather, aggravates it). Yes, ‘suffering’ seems to be the continuation of the horror. I mean, ‘I burnt my hand’ is normal (at least compared to the next phrase). ‘I am burning my hand’ is what the fanatic part of it is!

Coming closer to the point now (It’s like I can almost read your thoughts), it might seem really nuts but I have been trying to write a song (oh common now, it’s not a crime for me to write a song) and it turned out to be more of crumbled papers than good lyrics. I have been trying everything (you know - sugar, spice n’ everything nice) and nothing seems to be working out! Then, what was all the mess about the ‘suffix’ thing up there? Now we are in the eye of the storm. Writing, I’ve found, has been way too easier for me than ‘writing a song’. I mean, ‘to write’ just something seems to be better than ‘to write a song’, didn’t you find the culprit?? (Wait! don’t roll your eyes just yet, I still haven’t hit the core!) If you thought‘-a song’ suffixed the phrase (brushing aside the rules of suffixes, for the time being) and that’s why things went wrong for me. NO! That’s not it! The suffix didn’t make spice out of sugar or the other way round. The suffix just put this voice in my head, the voice that told me- you can’t. This voice that was born at the very instant my eyes ran over the second part of the phrase. It deprived me of that ability in me that wasn’t even unwrapped yet! As I listened to it more, it seemed more and more right. I tried to undo this voice in my head, I thought of negating it by saying to myself "I can’t - can’t do it." It just wouldn’t listen and wouldn’t let go! It is like; it had already diffused into my thoughts no matter how immiscible I tried to make them. I guess, I am still listening to the silence that voice had created in my head. I know this would happen to every one of you out there at some juncture (even if you are not attempting to write a song) and would render you defenseless. Then, your only hope would be to…to give up (my friend gaf me this idea. After I really gave it some thought...it seemed ryt to me!) …I may sound crazy but that’s the best thing you can do. When you do so, you would also abandon the voice with it. It’s like turning off a television while watching a horror movie. Then, start all over again, only this time, you are upgraded and enhanced to fight back against what you know would happen to you! I know this seems to be a crazy write-up but let me tell you what- Hitler managed to give the whole world some real creeps with his Charlie Chaplin like mustache! Don't you see?? Crazy things always work out on this planet!

the hate mail...

Dear people,

Today as I am writing my emotions down, I feel like burning this rotten, f’d up world alive. Don’t tell me I am being a whiner. You dare not. All I try to do is try to be good to this insane planet. I am not trying to bring about a social transformation. I am very simple teenager like you all but the difference between you and me is that you are living your time and I am coping with it. No, I do not have cancer and no, I am not an amputee and hell no! I am not a retard. You seem to have driven me nuts! I’ve just been pushed too far by the circumstances and you know what’s worse – I am incapable of doing anything but write about it. I am not what I am or what I want to be. The world tries to take the fullest advantage of a vulnerable. I hide away everything I feel by laughing it off. People mistake me for being utterly ‘attitude ridden’. Let me tell you what people – GO FK YOURSELVES! ‘Mr. nice guys’ seem bore this world of so called ‘cool’ chaps. I may seem to stand hard up against all that you can say to me but within I crumble at your every word. If at all I ever were given a chance to choose a present for this world I’ll choose a big fat middle finger wrapped in a shiny gift wrapper.

Yours lovingly,
One of you

lost

Even this time, when I met her, I was still deeply, madly and hopelessly in love with her. She was painfully beautiful for my eyes. Until I had been far away, I desperately wanted to be with her. Now that I was with her, I wanted to go far off. It was the unfortunate inevitability that I would lose her very soon that was doing this to me. She taunted me unknowingly and I suffered quietly. When she would laugh the world around became invisible and she would become the world to my eyes. Her speech was like a mild poison that slowly ascended my veins. I'd say - If the sound of wind chimes ever were a girl, it would have been her. A few days back I didn’t really believe in the four lettered crap called ‘love’ at all. But now, all those romantic renditions, poems and songs seem to make sense to me. This time we went on a walk together and nothing had mattered to me until she was talking. I just didn’t listen to what she said. I was just staring at her so lost that it was not until she asked me - “what are you thinking of? You don’t seem to be listening to Me.” that I got back to my senses. She always threw me into that thin line which separated confusion and comprehension. It was around her that vibes of various emotions hit me with full force. When I was so lost in her that reality slashed me hard – she did not belong to me. Why does reality always have to be so cruel? Why are all the formulations in the society against one’s wishes? She was the princess to me - a princess of an intertwined emotion which was a lethal mixture of love and agony. She always seemed to me as the most delicate thing in this universe and I always wanted to protect this slender being. But my love was only like a shadow which followed her unnoticed and would soon perish unnoticed. On the day when she would be give herself away to someone else, I would run away far off from her and would never let her know that I possessed her in my dreams and she would never know string of love I possessed for her went unconnected from her end. I definitely know I can cope up without her but the blank in me would not be filled ever…